I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
