Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
