but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
