I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
