Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this will be a night to untag.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
