I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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