Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
