Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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