I will die if light touches me.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
