if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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