dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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