it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
