some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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