I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
