the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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