Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
