bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
