I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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