a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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