you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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