I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
