well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
