I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
