I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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