Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His nipple licking is glorious
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