dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
