I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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