After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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