it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
