I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
