then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
