he fucked my hip out of place.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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