This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
