Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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