I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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