That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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