I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
