dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
