my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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