I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
