There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
