I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
