Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The power of my boobs compel you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
