tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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