ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize