I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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