It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
