You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
