i will never coherently bang her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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