the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
