Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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