I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You ruined the universe
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize