Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize