And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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