OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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