Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
