turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
