my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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