I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
