From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
