So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
