Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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